Motherhood by Sheila Heti
The choice ofwhether or not to have children is probably one of the most important decisions in a woman's life. Being a parent is rewarding but it is also a difficult and messy job. It requires a lot of energy, commitment, obligation andresponsibility. The choice of whether or not to have children is therefore,one of the most important decisions in a woman's life.
Motherhood has a deep impacton a woman, on many levels: physical, emotional, psychological and professional. It is for the long haul, not the moment.Child-rearing used to be the main objective in a woman’s life, but thanks tothe feminist movement this has changed. The women today work hard, they havedreams, desires and aspirations, they want to be seen as persons, as individuals whose role in the world is beyond that of child-rearing.
It’s not a surprise then, that a significant number of women, despite the expectations and pressures they feel from society, choose not tohave children. In many cases, the pressure comes from friends who have had children – “you don't know what you're missing,” they say. My answer to this is, yes, you’re missing something, but at the same time you gain something else. The women who decide not to procreate, they would have a different but equally fulfilled and perhapsmore enjoyable life.
Sheila Heti is in her late30s and lives with a boyfriend, who has a child from a previous relationship. He isn’t keen to have another child, but ultimately leaves the decision up toher. Motherhood is the long and often painful road that leads Heti to make this decision. She argues both sides and grasps for answers from prophecies, dreams and the experience of friends.
Heti reflects on the social and political aspects of motherhood and child-rearing. When she thinks of allpeople who want to forbid abortions, it seems it can only mean one thing, that they want women to be doing the work of child-rearing, “more than they want her to do anything else.”
“There is something threatening about a woman who is not occupied with children. There is something at-loose-ends feeling about such a woman. What is she going to do instead? What sort of trouble she will make?”
She is also considering the environmental aspects of havinga baby. Is it wise to add one more person to an overpopulated planet?
“Nothing harms the earth more than another person-and nothing harms a person more than being born,” she says. “If I really wanted to have a baby, it would be better to adopt. Even better would be to give the money I would have spent on raising a child to those organisations that give women who can’t afford it condoms and birth control and education and abortions, and so save these women’s lives. That would be a more worthwhile contribution to this world than adding one more troubled person from my own troubled womb.”
Motherhood isan honest, sensitive, and sometimes troubled account of a woman who istrying to find out what short of person she is like, and what short of person she is not like. Sheila Heti has a choice and a decision to make on how she wants to live her life. Some people maybe be very condemning of her, but she knows that her life is truly hers. She is free.